What To Write In A Book Of Condolence

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Most of us have little to no experience writing a message in a book of condolence. It can be intimidating as these words are permanent and should invoke respect, love, admiration, grief, sympathy, and support to the deceased’s family. You may be tempted to skip writing in the book altogether, but leaving a message is simpler than you think.

Your words have power, and what you write can hold a lot of meaning for a family that has lost a loved one. Whether the book of condolence is for a work colleague, for a friend, or a child, the message you leave can make a difference not only to the family but also to you. 

The deceased’s family will appreciate your words, so don’t shy away from leaving a note in a memory book.

How to Begin Your Message of Condolence

Standing in front of the book to write in it, our minds often go blank. It can be challenging to gather our thoughts and translate them into the written word. 

Here are a few suggestions to get you started. For these examples, we are going to assume that Jerry has passed:

• Jerry was one of the kindest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting.
• You are in my thoughts and prayers.
• My heart goes out to you and your loved ones during this difficult time. 
• Jerry was one of my closest friends, and he will be sorely missed.
• Jerry was a friend to everyone who knew him.

The introduction to your message of condolence will depend on who has passed and your relationship with them. What you write for a work colleague or a friend may be quite different from what you would write for an uncle or an aunt, an adult or a child, etc. 

Suggestions for what to write in memory book of Condolence

Although what you write can be relatively short, if you can write a little more, the family will definitely appreciate it. Putting your thoughts, memories, and feelings into words will not only help them but might help you too, as coming to terms with a death is not easy for anyone.

An easy way to write a longer message is to share a memory of the deceased. Families like to hear something personal about the individual they lost. Give some thought to what they were like and what they meant to you. What was it about them that you liked or admired?

Remember, too, that although their passing is a sad occasion, that does not mean you can’t share a funny memory. Here are some message of condolence suggestions:

• The first time I met Jerry was at a pantomime, and he was playing the role of “Widow Twankey” from Aladdin. He made me laugh then and has kept me laughing ever since. I will miss him.
• Jerry was one of the most generous people I ever knew. He had a big heart, and he will be sorely missed.
• Jerry was a good friend, and I will miss his company every single day.
• Everyone that met Jerry liked him; he was that sort of a person. Those of us that knew him well loved him.

Death is especially difficult when the person who passed was a child, but you can still share a condolence message. The suggestions above can still apply, but you may need to change your message slightly. For example:

• Jerry was one of the kindest boys I have ever met. Seeing him every day at school was a pleasure. 
• Jerry’s smile always lit up the room, and I will miss him.

No matter if you write two sentences or ten, a long memory or a simple message, it does not matter. As long as you write from the heart, it will be meaningful to the family.

what to write in a condolence book for a work colleague

what to write in a memory book for a friend

How to Finish your Message

After your introductory sentence, followed by your thoughts or memories, you will need to finish your condolence message. These suggestions will give you a starting point so that you can write something comforting and meaningful:

• Julie, you and Jerry have been my best friends for years. If there is anything you need, don’t hesitate to reach out.
• My thoughts will be with you and your family.
• Don’t hesitate to call if you need someone to talk to.
• I wish you peace and solace in the weeks ahead.
• I know things are difficult now, but if you need help at any time or simply someone to talk to, I am here.
• My deepest sympathies are with you.

Things you Should Not Write in a Book of Condolence

Even though writing a condolence message seems daunting, writing something along the guidelines we have given will make it easier. There are, however, a few comments that would be best not to put in your message of condolence.

Here are some examples of what to avoid: 

• Phrases like “Jerry is in a better place now” or “It is all part of God’s plan.” These phrases may not be comforting, especially if Jerry or his family are not religious.
• Telling someone you know “exactly how they feel.” This can be very upsetting to the family that has lost someone, especially if it was tragically. Even if you similarly lost someone, time, age, etc., avoiding this will remove any potential hurt feelings. 
• Telling the spouse of the person that passed that they “will find love again” should be avoided.

Remember, what you write should be helpful and comforting to the bereaved family, be thoughtful, and make sure you don’t write anything that could be upsetting or hurtful.

Final Thoughts on What to Write in a Book of Condolence

Times have changed, and although there will almost certainly be a physical book of condolence available, there may also be one online. Many people choose to create an online memory book so that those who could not attend the service in person can leave a condolence message.

Whether physical or digital, don’t be afraid of writing in a memory book. People don’t want to make a fool of themselves, and they don’t want others to be upset or offended by what they write. The simple steps we have outlined here will help you write something meaningful and hopefully comfort the bereaved family.

Whether your message of condolence is for an adult or a child, a family member, a work colleague, or a friend, you can leave something positive in their memory book.