Sympathy Messages: What to Write in a Sympathy Card

If somebody you know has recently experienced a loss, it can be difficult to find the words to express your sympathy.

When somebody is grieving, it’s natural to want to reach out. But at the same time, many of us worry about saying the wrong thing and making an already painful situation worse.

Sometimes, even the most gentle, loving, and well-thought-out sentiments can feel unhelpful when somebody has lost a loved one. After all, no words will take away the complicated emotions that the recipient of your sympathy card will be feeling.

However, it’s important to remember that the purpose of a sympathy card isn’t to remove or even alleviate grief. A sympathy card should aim to let the other person know that you’re there for them, and honor the memory of their loved one.

Bearing this in mind, I’m going to share some examples of words and sentiments to include in a sympathy card. These are just guidelines, so you don’t need to follow them to the letter, but using these phrases as starting points will help you to write a thoughtful and compassionate sympathy card.

Steps to Writing a Sympathy Card

Express Condolences

This step is central to the concept of a sympathy card. By expressing condolences, you’ll be communicating your sympathy and empathy to the recipient.

You don’t need to write a long message to express your condolences. In fact, if you weren’t personally close with the deceased, a brief, but warm message is most appropriate.

However, if you did know the deceased personally, it’s absolutely okay to mention this (more on this in the next step).

‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’
‘I am thinking of you.’
‘You and your family are in my thoughts.’
‘I wish you love and support during this time.’
‘We will all miss [name] so much.’
‘I was so sad/sorry to hear that [name] passed away.’
‘Sending you love and hugs.’
‘I share in your sadness at this time.’

Remember the Deceased

If you had a personal relationship with the deceased, now is the time to remember that person in your sympathy card. Even if you did not know them very well, any positive opinions or memories you have of the deceased may provide some comfort.

‘[Name] was such an incredible person.’
‘[Name] was so kind and caring.’
‘I feel very lucky that I got to know [name].’
‘I will never forget the memories we made with [name]. I remember when…’
[Name] touched the lives of so many people.’
‘I celebrate and remember [name]’s life with you.’

Offer Support

This can mean both emotional and practical support.

Of course, kind and affirming words, or even just a listening ear are great ways to show your support for someone in their time of grief.

However, grief can also make certain everyday tasks such as running errands or cooking feel impossible. Offering help in these areas might help to take some of the pressure off the card’s recipient.

Just make sure you’re actually prepared to follow through on your offers of support, whether they’re practical or emotional.

‘Know that I am always here for you if you need to talk.’
‘Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you during this time.’
‘I’d love to bring you a cooked meal on a day that works for you.’
‘Don’t worry about [insert task or responsibility], I’ll take care of that.’
‘If you need some time to yourself, I’m more than happy to take care of the kids for a few hours.’
‘I know I can’t take away your pain, but if I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to ask.’

Close Respectfully

How you close your sympathy message will depend on how well you know the recipient and the nature of your relationship.

If you know the recipient well, an affectionate closing may be more appropriate, while a card to someone you’re not so close with may warrant a slightly more formal closing. Either way, your closing message should be simultaneously warm and respectful.

You might try using one of these:

With our deepest sympathies
With love and sympathy
Thinking of you, always
Wishing you comfort and peace
Our hearts go out to you
Please accept my sincerest condolences

Examples for Specific Situations

While writing a sympathy card under any circumstances is never easy, certain situations, such as the death of a child or where somebody has taken their own life, can add an extra layer of sensitivity to the grieving process.

In these situations, words can fail us even more, so it can be helpful to have specific examples of what to say.

Below are some lists of things to include in a sympathy card depending on the circumstances.

The Death of a Child

When somebody has lost a child, no words ever seem truly appropriate. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out. Whether the child was young or an adult, the death of a child seems to contradict the nature of life itself.

However, the difficulty of this situation probably means that the recipient needs your support even more. Here are some sensitive ways to express your sympathy for the loss of a child:

‘[Name] was so sweet and loving.’
‘I’m so sorry for the loss and heartbreak that you are going through.’
‘Know that we share in your sorrow and are here for you.’
‘We are missing and remembering [name] with you.’
[Name] will always stay with us, in our hearts and memories.’
‘We all loved [name] so much and will continue to cherish their memory.’
‘[Name] made such a profound impact on our lives.’
‘[Name]’s time with us was too short, but they filled our hearts and the world around them with love.’

The Death of a Parent

The death of a parent, at any age, is an incredibly painful time. This is something that most people will inevitably experience in their lifetime, but that doesn’t make it any easier, so kind words like these can go a long way:

‘I really loved and admired your dad and I feel so privileged to have got to know him.’
‘I wish I could have known your mother. She must have been a really special person to have raised someone as wonderful as you.’
‘I’ll always remember the treasured memories I have of your father, like the time…’
‘Your mother’s sense of humor and generous spirit will live on in you.’
‘Your father was loved and respected by so many in the community.’
‘You were an amazing support to your mother these past months.’
‘This is such a difficult experience to go through and I’m so sorry for your loss.’

The Death of a Partner

Losing a partner or spouse is devastating. Whether the recipient of your card was married or not, the loss of the person they planned to share their future with is a life-altering and deeply personal experience. You can show your support by remembering the recipient’s partner and their relationship fondly.

‘The love between you and [partner] was beautiful to witness. Your relationship was so special.’
[Partner] was such a kindhearted, funny, and warm person and we are all so lucky to have known them.’
‘I will miss [partner] very much, and I know they will be missed by so many others.’
‘Although we’ve never met in person, [partner] loved you so very much and spoke about you with such joy.’
‘It’s okay to take time and space to heal, but remember that I am here for you and you are not alone.’
‘The love you and [partner] shared means that they will always be part of you.’

The Death of a Pet

Most pet owners will tell you that their pet – be it a dog, cat, or guinea pig – feels like a member of the family. When a beloved pet dies, the grief can be overwhelming.

Unfortunately, many people (especially those who don’t have pets) don’t understand the pain of losing an animal companion. By sending a sympathy card to someone after the death of their pet, you’ll be showing that you take their loss seriously.

‘We were all saddened to hear about [name]. They were such a sweet dog.’
‘[Name] was the funniest, cleverest cat I ever knew.’
‘I know how much [name] meant to you and your family.’
‘[Name] was so lucky to have you as their owner.’
‘[Name] will always be in our hearts.’
‘I have so many beautiful memories of [name]. My favorite is the time…’

Death by Suicide

When somebody takes their own life, loved ones will be processing some very difficult and sometimes confusing emotions. This is a complicated situation and there’s no right way for anyone to feel in the aftermath. However, there are some things you can say in your sympathy card to acknowledge the death thoughtfully and sensitively.

‘[Name] was a beautiful person who will be missed by so many.’
‘I cannot imagine what you’re going through, but know that you and your family are in my thoughts.’
‘Nobody should have to go through this pain. I’m so sorry.’
‘I know that words can never truly express heartbreak like this, but I am always here if you need somebody to talk to.’
‘[Name] was one of my dearest friends and I grieve for them with you.’
‘I always admired [name]’s authenticity and strength. They inspired me.’
‘I will treasure the memories I have of [name].’

Unexpected Death

It’s never easy to adjust after the death of a loved one, even if you’ve been expecting it for a long time. However, an unexpected death comes with additional feelings of shock and disbelief, which can make a loss more difficult to process.

If someone you know has lost a loved one unexpectedly, try including phrases like this:

‘We were all stunned and deeply saddened to hear about [name].’
‘I know that this loss has been a real shock. If you need a listening ear to process your feelings, I am here.’
‘Nothing could have prepared us to part with [name] so suddenly. They were such a special person.’
‘You are in our thoughts and we wish you nothing but love and healing at this time.’
‘I know that losing someone unexpectedly can be especially difficult. Remember to treat yourself with compassion, and know that we are all here for you.’

Miscarriage

Of course, a miscarriage constitutes the loss of a child.

However, because the experience of losing an unborn child is still so frequently misunderstood, the recipient of your card is likely to need some quite specific words of support at this time. Therefore, you’ll want to approach this kind of loss slightly differently.

‘I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that no words can change how you’re feeling in this moment.’
‘Please know that whatever you are feeling right now is valid. Your loss is as real as any other.’
‘I just wanted you to know that this was not your fault.’
‘I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, but I am always here to listen and help however I can.’
‘We are keeping you and your family in our thoughts during this time of grief.’
‘Life can seem so unfair at times like this. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you.’

Words and Phrases to Avoid

There are certain things you should never include in a sympathy card, regardless of the situation or the intention behind them.

Bear in mind that just because your words are coming from a good place doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be helpful to somebody experiencing grief. That’s why it’s best to steer clear of certain words and sentiments altogether when writing a sympathy card.

‘I understand how you feel.’ (You probably don’t, because everybody processes grief and loss in their own way.)
‘I think you should…’ (A sympathy card is just that – a card written to express sympathy. Now is not the time for advice.)
‘This is such a dreadful loss.’ (You don’t want to encourage the recipient to dwell on their pain.)
‘Everything happens for a reason.’ (This is likely to come across as trivializing or even blaming, even if it’s not your intention.)
‘They were much too young.’ (Don’t risk rubbing salt in the wound.)
‘You will feel better soon.’ (The recipient’s feelings are their own and they will heal at their own pace.)

After the Sympathy Card

You might want to follow up with the recipient of your sympathy card in the weeks and months following the death.

If you’ve offered to help in practical ways but you haven’t been taken up on your offer, it may be a good idea to reiterate that you’re willing to help. It’s possible that the recipient is too overwhelmed or even embarrassed to reach out and ask for assistance.

A simple message checking in and offering emotional support can also go a long way during the healing process – especially if an anniversary or other important date is coming up.

‘I know it’s been a few months [name] passed, but I wanted you to know that I’m here if you need me.’
‘With [name]’s birthday coming up, I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you.’
‘I know that this Christmas might bring some difficult emotions. If there’s anything I can do to make the holidays easier, please let me know.’

Final Thoughts

Writing a sympathy card can be challenging, mentally and emotionally. But with the examples listed above, you’ll be able to send a thoughtful message that will be well-received during the recipient’s time of grief.

Remember, the key is to offer support, validate the recipient’s feelings, and honor the memory of their loved one without saying anything that might upset them further.

Ultimately, no matter how long or short your message is, the important thing is to reach out.